my friend goo

last night was a cluster fuck and i can't even work a metaphor around it.
i tried to play with the idea of all or nothing, but all i got was nothing.

so basically...
i went to see sonic youth. while i was standing in line to get in, a guy from work who wears the same bifocals his grandfather wore in 1983 (possibly his hairpiece too) spots me. i'm talking 43 years old. clint eastwood from the 80's hair. black jeans and doc martens.
seriously.
not.
reasonable.
to look at.

soooo, he leaves to sell his extra ticket and returns to suck the life force out of me. literally, the entire time he's talking to me DURING THE MUSIC i'm texting my friend and inching away. i mean i'm texting for a decade. inching away, and he still won't get away.

text transcription:
me: i've seen 2 work douches at this concert and am scared. people who work where i do are weird. now i'm getting work douche stalked.

bff: where the f are you? what concert?

me: sonic youth. punk. he found me and i am sharting myself. i hate being nice.

bff: who is it

me: he might be 46 and bought his glasses in 1983.and he has kept them since.

bff: lose him. who are you with?

me: alone. i keep inching away and he keeps getting closer. you know how bitchy i am.

bff: kick his ass seabass

me: i want to kill myself.

bff: buckling. i'm going to bed

me: and let me modify that. i want to kill myself with a toothpick.

bff: buckling

me: nite nite. if i turn up missing, fun bobby from work is wearing my skin

bff: oh god

me: just emptied the douche on the other work cat.

bff: ok good

now. if you couldn't already tell. this blog is really written by a 17 year old boy.
seriously. i may be one.

except for the fact that 3 seconds after i emptied the work douche, i met a really hot guy. we chatted. we were walking over to hang with his friends.

then.
my uterus erupted in my pants.
proving that i am not a 17 year old boy.
i'm a 32 year old woman.
who can't control her period.

maybe i should have hung out with the douche.
cause i walked out the door in shame either way.