Your finger traces the pulse in my neck
From the shelf of my jaw line mandible
To the soft ridges of my breast bone sternum.
Fascination moves your palm and I see
Your eyes expand and contract
As you discover and lose my pulse.
You talk chemical reactions that start life,
The beating of the ventricles,
And how time wears a muscle to its end.
I consider the scent of your shoulder clavicle
The tightening of my chest thoracic
And the minute my pulse might stop.
And in this morning bed I wonder
About the technical names of things,
The difference between substance and longevity,
And the conflict in our belief and my desire:
These chemical reactions in our decisions
Small moments when life begins.
12.13.2007
11.20.2007
spanish club music
as if my happiness depends solely on my sex life.
jesus.
what am i? a man?
did you know that men transfer testosterone in salivary exchange so that women get randy from a kiss.
evolution is a beautiful thing.
anywhoooo- i should get funny again this weekend.
my parents are coming to stay with me over the holiday.
holy xanax.
jesus.
what am i? a man?
did you know that men transfer testosterone in salivary exchange so that women get randy from a kiss.
evolution is a beautiful thing.
anywhoooo- i should get funny again this weekend.
my parents are coming to stay with me over the holiday.
holy xanax.
asian club music
let's explore the direct coorelation between my happiness and my humor.
happiness > humor > anger
if i am happy, i can not be funny. i think it's because most of my humor subsists on deprecation and disrespect. throw a monkey into the wrench who is intelligent and challenging, and i got nothing.
nothing but sappy poetry about running long hunter state park.
damn it.
i knew there were other reasons i stayed single.
happiness > humor > anger
if i am happy, i can not be funny. i think it's because most of my humor subsists on deprecation and disrespect. throw a monkey into the wrench who is intelligent and challenging, and i got nothing.
nothing but sappy poetry about running long hunter state park.
damn it.
i knew there were other reasons i stayed single.
11.05.2007
how it ends
she threw the band in the cumberland because she knew that if she kept it, there'd be days that she'd consider pulling it from a drawer and fingering it in her left hand. the temptation of a regret that did not exist was too much to stash in a drawer. she decided to hide some other expectation in her mother's secretary.
she'd also wanted to know what it felt like to stop her jeep in the middle of a six lane bridge, abandon fear of traffic, and see her marriage drop to the river like november sweetgum leaves. not direct in descent, but moved by the temperament of wind.
it was january, and the platinum band fell fast while new year's traffic honked at her in her grey sweatpants on the side of a bridge. so far was the fall and so small was the ring, that she did not see it enter the water. for a moment she wondered if she should have pawned it and taken the money to buy something as frivolous as that promise.
the moment passed, and the wind pushed her toward the center lane, a driver's side door, and the knowing that she had other promises to keep.
she'd also wanted to know what it felt like to stop her jeep in the middle of a six lane bridge, abandon fear of traffic, and see her marriage drop to the river like november sweetgum leaves. not direct in descent, but moved by the temperament of wind.
it was january, and the platinum band fell fast while new year's traffic honked at her in her grey sweatpants on the side of a bridge. so far was the fall and so small was the ring, that she did not see it enter the water. for a moment she wondered if she should have pawned it and taken the money to buy something as frivolous as that promise.
the moment passed, and the wind pushed her toward the center lane, a driver's side door, and the knowing that she had other promises to keep.
11.03.2007
the way i am
five miles on a saturday morning at 7:30 am. this is not when runners expect to be confronted by what we have no longer want. and 14th street is not the sanctuary where we ask the universe why it converges during our morning run.
or. why does god make the man i have wanted and the man i do want drive past me on the same morning run. wtf??? further proof that god hates me.
these ideas in our head like red hots in our mouths burn with a sick, metallic. and the taste doesn't leave the mouth. at a time when all normal people are sleeping, i am running. and the universe is driving.
i run from the anticipation of camping,
the inevitability of gala,
and the irony of my wedding dress.
yup.
it's makin a comeback.
thank god.
it's a beautiful bitch.
that needs to be seen.
when solitude is not an option.
or. why does god make the man i have wanted and the man i do want drive past me on the same morning run. wtf??? further proof that god hates me.
these ideas in our head like red hots in our mouths burn with a sick, metallic. and the taste doesn't leave the mouth. at a time when all normal people are sleeping, i am running. and the universe is driving.
i run from the anticipation of camping,
the inevitability of gala,
and the irony of my wedding dress.
yup.
it's makin a comeback.
thank god.
it's a beautiful bitch.
that needs to be seen.
when solitude is not an option.
10.31.2007
fidelity
the room was blue. even thought the paint can had read rootbeer, laying in that bed, the room looked blue. maybe it was the august glare reflecting off the blue quilt. maybe it was a fraction of the prism in that morning sky.
no matter. it was blue. and she wanted him dead. not anytime soon, but in time for there to be more than this blue room, and these brown walls, and that damn squirrel on the fence.
no matter. it was blue. and she wanted him dead. not anytime soon, but in time for there to be more than this blue room, and these brown walls, and that damn squirrel on the fence.
10.25.2007
Tennessee Code Annotated #2
Title 68.5
(1) The board shall establish criteria for determining the sentence when a person violates work place environmental conditions by speaking to colleagues while depositing waste in disposal areas. Entry order, grunt decibal readings, and cube-land proximity shall all be taken into consideration when determining sentence. The board shall also prepare a list of comminication methods that are hazardous in order to aid in determining the generators of hazardous waste in creating a safe lavaratory environment. However, such list shall not limit the regulatory authority over the board to whip somebody's ass if they create substances or conversations which meet established criteria for a hazardous waste area environmental violation.
(b) (1) The commissioner shall notify the register of institutional mango spray candidates in each stall in which a disposal facility or site is located and currently being used for depositing of hazardous waste. Such notice shall include the following:
1. Identification
2. Violation
3. Sentence
for example:
1. Identification: Richard R. Richarson
2. Violation: Inquiries into weekend activities while engaged in noxious waste disposal of a TCA#2 nature.
3. Sentence: Relegated to the library parking garage to dispose of waste with vagrants who will talk to anybody.
The general assembly declares that it is the policy of this state to ensure that no hazardous waste, as regulated under this title, is disposed of in conjunction with small talk. Therefore, subject to the appropriation of funds in the general appropriations act for such purposes, the department shall develop an inspection program for all permitted facilities that provides for frequent, thorough and regular inspections of the uninvited conversations in bathroom stalls. Further, subject to the appropriation of funds in the general appropriations act for such purposes, the department shall inspect meeting rooms, break areas and parking lots to prevent the introduction of hazardous conversation into any OFFICE SPACE.
(1) The board shall establish criteria for determining the sentence when a person violates work place environmental conditions by speaking to colleagues while depositing waste in disposal areas. Entry order, grunt decibal readings, and cube-land proximity shall all be taken into consideration when determining sentence. The board shall also prepare a list of comminication methods that are hazardous in order to aid in determining the generators of hazardous waste in creating a safe lavaratory environment. However, such list shall not limit the regulatory authority over the board to whip somebody's ass if they create substances or conversations which meet established criteria for a hazardous waste area environmental violation.
(b) (1) The commissioner shall notify the register of institutional mango spray candidates in each stall in which a disposal facility or site is located and currently being used for depositing of hazardous waste. Such notice shall include the following:
1. Identification
2. Violation
3. Sentence
for example:
1. Identification: Richard R. Richarson
2. Violation: Inquiries into weekend activities while engaged in noxious waste disposal of a TCA#2 nature.
3. Sentence: Relegated to the library parking garage to dispose of waste with vagrants who will talk to anybody.
The general assembly declares that it is the policy of this state to ensure that no hazardous waste, as regulated under this title, is disposed of in conjunction with small talk. Therefore, subject to the appropriation of funds in the general appropriations act for such purposes, the department shall develop an inspection program for all permitted facilities that provides for frequent, thorough and regular inspections of the uninvited conversations in bathroom stalls. Further, subject to the appropriation of funds in the general appropriations act for such purposes, the department shall inspect meeting rooms, break areas and parking lots to prevent the introduction of hazardous conversation into any OFFICE SPACE.
10.24.2007
license to ill
somebody call the short bus.
i need a ride.
now, this is not because i am that girl in the white jeep who plucks her eyebrows while travelling down the interstate in morning rush hour. nor, does it have anything to do with the fact that i have been known to drive my stick-shift SUV while drinking a yazoo pale ale, talking on my cell phone, and smoking a cigarette.
what is does relate to is the fact that i could not find my way out of a new year's eve vodka bottle if i pooped on myself in it. don't ask.
it took me 30 minutes this morning to get from my house in east nash to my cleaners on belmont boulevard. it should have taken 10. this had nothing to do with traffic and everything to do with the fact that i am retarded.
please call riverdale elementary and chastise them relentlessly them for putting me in the gifted program. they gave me the impression that i am smart. i have spent subsequent years proving them wrong.
this morning, in my continuing effort of proof, i did, however, get an education. i learned that you can go back and forth under the interstate 3 times on your way from 5 points to belmont boulevard. as well, the homeless man at 4th and douglas is definitely related to the one at harding place and franklin road. and who knew nashville had a motor speedyway?
a freaking race track in the middle of town.
after passing the speedway, i lost all will to navigate and pluck my eyebrows. instead, i got my mascara out, continued my mating dance with blindness, and realized my dry cleaners was on 12th avenue and not belmont.
does the short bus have a drink holder?
i need a ride.
now, this is not because i am that girl in the white jeep who plucks her eyebrows while travelling down the interstate in morning rush hour. nor, does it have anything to do with the fact that i have been known to drive my stick-shift SUV while drinking a yazoo pale ale, talking on my cell phone, and smoking a cigarette.
what is does relate to is the fact that i could not find my way out of a new year's eve vodka bottle if i pooped on myself in it. don't ask.
it took me 30 minutes this morning to get from my house in east nash to my cleaners on belmont boulevard. it should have taken 10. this had nothing to do with traffic and everything to do with the fact that i am retarded.
please call riverdale elementary and chastise them relentlessly them for putting me in the gifted program. they gave me the impression that i am smart. i have spent subsequent years proving them wrong.
this morning, in my continuing effort of proof, i did, however, get an education. i learned that you can go back and forth under the interstate 3 times on your way from 5 points to belmont boulevard. as well, the homeless man at 4th and douglas is definitely related to the one at harding place and franklin road. and who knew nashville had a motor speedyway?
a freaking race track in the middle of town.
after passing the speedway, i lost all will to navigate and pluck my eyebrows. instead, i got my mascara out, continued my mating dance with blindness, and realized my dry cleaners was on 12th avenue and not belmont.
does the short bus have a drink holder?
10.22.2007
cat vs. whale
some nights i drink cocktails.
and by cocktails, i mean cocktailssssssssssssss.
and some mornings i wake up with a cat in my eye.
and by cat in my eye, i mean some dried out, ass red eyeballs that scare people on the streets. no whites in my eyes. it's nasty. it hurts. and i am so dehydrated from the night before, i can't make tears to remedy this.
yes, i've tried drops.
they don't work.
yazoo pale ale gives me ferris bueller dry eyes.
on these mornings, i walk around the office and co-workers stop me in the hallway to ask me, "what is wrong with your eyes?" when i open my mouth to tell them, they know the answer before i speak. pale ale has some serious staying power. and because everyone knows that i'm hung over from the reek factor, i just wander around muttering. "there's a cat in my eye. i hate cats. fucking cats."
people think i'm crazy.
might be- pale ale is the only thing in my life with staying power.
i know my memory has none.
after 5 years of working downtown, i am well aware of the air vents that blow like whale holes on 7th avenue. i mean this is something i KNOW. countless hours of entertainment have come from watching tourists get accosted by these ginormous blow holes. i thought they were intrinsic to my world view of downtown.
so, i'm walking into work after getting out of my boss's car.
it's rush hour.
i'm wearing a skirt.
and no panties.
and it's not bikini season.
yup.
commuters got an eyeful of cat.
it made me laugh so hard, i peed.
all down my legs.
in the middle of church street.
i fucking hate cats.
and by cocktails, i mean cocktailssssssssssssss.
and some mornings i wake up with a cat in my eye.
and by cat in my eye, i mean some dried out, ass red eyeballs that scare people on the streets. no whites in my eyes. it's nasty. it hurts. and i am so dehydrated from the night before, i can't make tears to remedy this.
yes, i've tried drops.
they don't work.
yazoo pale ale gives me ferris bueller dry eyes.
on these mornings, i walk around the office and co-workers stop me in the hallway to ask me, "what is wrong with your eyes?" when i open my mouth to tell them, they know the answer before i speak. pale ale has some serious staying power. and because everyone knows that i'm hung over from the reek factor, i just wander around muttering. "there's a cat in my eye. i hate cats. fucking cats."
people think i'm crazy.
might be- pale ale is the only thing in my life with staying power.
i know my memory has none.
after 5 years of working downtown, i am well aware of the air vents that blow like whale holes on 7th avenue. i mean this is something i KNOW. countless hours of entertainment have come from watching tourists get accosted by these ginormous blow holes. i thought they were intrinsic to my world view of downtown.
so, i'm walking into work after getting out of my boss's car.
it's rush hour.
i'm wearing a skirt.
and no panties.
and it's not bikini season.
yup.
commuters got an eyeful of cat.
it made me laugh so hard, i peed.
all down my legs.
in the middle of church street.
i fucking hate cats.
10.21.2007
a nervous tic motion of the head to the left
when most people find out i'm single, they look at me a little shocked.
i am reasonable to look at.
smarter than a box of rocks.
and sometimes funny.
by cultural definition, i should be getting laid.
most times, i tell people i am single because i haven't met anyone interesting enough. most people in the world are boring and watch too much tv.
or i say that i like to do what i like to do, and not many men like to read the new yorker, watch buffy the vampire slayer on DVD, and shop for antiques. well, not any straight men.
i play it off like it's my choice.
and it is.
my choice.
to be an idiot.
so, last night... i go to a favorite bar to see a band whose lead singer is grimey's boy. now, grimey's boy has been an inspiration of mine for a couple of years. i go and buy vinyl, and we talk music. when we do this, i am sober and not retarded. my heart beats like a fucking white stripes album, but i am cool, calculated, and appropriately hot when i go into grimey's. because i like this guy. he's interesting. and smart. and reasonable to look at.
broke that glass last night.
some of the highlights of and alternatives to our conversation..
"last night" me: you're not drunk? huh?(nose curls) why not?
"a world where i am not single" me: can i get you a drink?
"last night" me: so, those were all new songs, huh?
(nose still may have been curled)
"a world where i am not single" me: i really like your new stuff. when are you guys putting out your next album?
"last night" me: you know what's fucked up? you were hotter to me when you were just the guy who worked in a record store. when i found out that you were in a band you got less hot. is that weird?
"a world where i am not single" me: great shirt. i love the design.
"last night" me: thanks for the bees, uk. you know the album you recommended to me in april.
(what the fuck? it's october. i'm psycho, and he has a blank look)
"a world where i am not single" me: so what was the best new release this week? you've got such great taste in music.
i could go on and on.
i did last night.
why can't i just black out when I am loaded, like everybody else?
why do i have to remember this shit?
why didn't someone diagnose my ketel-one-tourette's when i was in college?
in the midst of all of these questions, there's one thing i do know.
why i'm single.
i am reasonable to look at.
smarter than a box of rocks.
and sometimes funny.
by cultural definition, i should be getting laid.
most times, i tell people i am single because i haven't met anyone interesting enough. most people in the world are boring and watch too much tv.
or i say that i like to do what i like to do, and not many men like to read the new yorker, watch buffy the vampire slayer on DVD, and shop for antiques. well, not any straight men.
i play it off like it's my choice.
and it is.
my choice.
to be an idiot.
so, last night... i go to a favorite bar to see a band whose lead singer is grimey's boy. now, grimey's boy has been an inspiration of mine for a couple of years. i go and buy vinyl, and we talk music. when we do this, i am sober and not retarded. my heart beats like a fucking white stripes album, but i am cool, calculated, and appropriately hot when i go into grimey's. because i like this guy. he's interesting. and smart. and reasonable to look at.
broke that glass last night.
some of the highlights of and alternatives to our conversation..
"last night" me: you're not drunk? huh?(nose curls) why not?
"a world where i am not single" me: can i get you a drink?
"last night" me: so, those were all new songs, huh?
(nose still may have been curled)
"a world where i am not single" me: i really like your new stuff. when are you guys putting out your next album?
"last night" me: you know what's fucked up? you were hotter to me when you were just the guy who worked in a record store. when i found out that you were in a band you got less hot. is that weird?
"a world where i am not single" me: great shirt. i love the design.
"last night" me: thanks for the bees, uk. you know the album you recommended to me in april.
(what the fuck? it's october. i'm psycho, and he has a blank look)
"a world where i am not single" me: so what was the best new release this week? you've got such great taste in music.
i could go on and on.
i did last night.
why can't i just black out when I am loaded, like everybody else?
why do i have to remember this shit?
why didn't someone diagnose my ketel-one-tourette's when i was in college?
in the midst of all of these questions, there's one thing i do know.
why i'm single.
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