a nervous tic motion of the head to the left

when most people find out i'm single, they look at me a little shocked.
i am reasonable to look at.
smarter than a box of rocks.
and sometimes funny.
by cultural definition, i should be getting laid.

most times, i tell people i am single because i haven't met anyone interesting enough. most people in the world are boring and watch too much tv.

or i say that i like to do what i like to do, and not many men like to read the new yorker, watch buffy the vampire slayer on DVD, and shop for antiques. well, not any straight men.

i play it off like it's my choice.
and it is.
my choice.
to be an idiot.

so, last night... i go to a favorite bar to see a band whose lead singer is grimey's boy. now, grimey's boy has been an inspiration of mine for a couple of years. i go and buy vinyl, and we talk music. when we do this, i am sober and not retarded. my heart beats like a fucking white stripes album, but i am cool, calculated, and appropriately hot when i go into grimey's. because i like this guy. he's interesting. and smart. and reasonable to look at.

broke that glass last night.
some of the highlights of and alternatives to our conversation..

"last night" me: you're not drunk? huh?(nose curls) why not?
"a world where i am not single" me: can i get you a drink?

"last night" me: so, those were all new songs, huh?
(nose still may have been curled)
"a world where i am not single" me: i really like your new stuff. when are you guys putting out your next album?

"last night" me: you know what's fucked up? you were hotter to me when you were just the guy who worked in a record store. when i found out that you were in a band you got less hot. is that weird?
"a world where i am not single" me: great shirt. i love the design.

"last night" me: thanks for the bees, uk. you know the album you recommended to me in april.
(what the fuck? it's october. i'm psycho, and he has a blank look)
"a world where i am not single" me: so what was the best new release this week? you've got such great taste in music.

i could go on and on.
i did last night.

why can't i just black out when I am loaded, like everybody else?
why do i have to remember this shit?
why didn't someone diagnose my ketel-one-tourette's when i was in college?

in the midst of all of these questions, there's one thing i do know.
why i'm single.