there really is no god

so my new apt does not have a dishwasher.
which is really sad.

what it does have is 2 block access to bars where open marriage 41 year olds nervously laugh and espouse the rhetoric of popular psychologists.

wow.
all really need is a dishwasher.
and, maybe, a stove.

holy holy holy

so i'm planning on going to church tomorrow. i need some forgiveness. i can't decide if i'm gonna head to the episcopal church or the methodist church. i think that the methodist church in my neighborhood has funky music.

ain't
no
way.

i can't do drums, guitars or flutes at church.
i'll let you know.

girls just wanna have fun

i am employed again.
i've had 3 dates in a week.
i like a boy... or two hundred.

however,
the sewer lines in my new place have been severed.
the bathroom is a cluster fuck.
i haven't pulled up the carpet yet and have to paint for a week.

bipolarity is a running theme in my life.
yeah!
boo!

economics

i am a big fan of the law of diminising returns.
especially in application to food, men, and birthdays.

think about it.
a scoop of ice cream- not enough.
a pint of mint chocolate chip... pretty bad ass. almost eupohric.
a quart of ice cream- shitting your pants in the morning.

men follow the same trajectory...
meeting when you are out and flirting... ultimate hopeful tease.
first date at a local restaurant- you're in love.
looking at his man-hair on the bathroom floor after you've been shacking for 3 months- disgusting.

however, neither of these is as pronounced as the law in its application to age.

1- you can walk
2- you can talk
3- you can use the toilet
4- you learn to share
5- you write your name
13- you're a teenager, but you get your period
16- you can drive, but you can kill someone in your car
18- you can buy cigarettes and cocktails in new orleans, but you go to big boy jail
21- beer.
25- car insurance goes down, you can rent a car. but you also find your first wrinkle.
30 isn't dirty, but it is the peak of a downward slope.
now that i've cusped 30 what is there to look forward to?
40- decreased libido
45- crows feet become ostrich claws.
49- are you fucking kidding me. half a century only looks good on a classic car.
75- if i were art deco furniture this would be a good year.

when can i join the AARP?

almost always never

my life has become a series of 3 drag cigarettes, missed connections, and the feeling that i have got to get out of here.

so. what else is new?
at least i'm not masking it with prada and marriage... just tom ford and celibacy.

what i got

let's see.
i got a singular desire to kiss my hairstylist (who was born in the 80's mind you) wow. that desire about ended. hadn't conceptualized it in terms of decades until this point.

i got a double fist of mocha ice cream and teddy grahams. oink.

i got a triple threat of an eastern block, string bikinis, and a beach trip next week.

i got four reasons that i am washing dishes by hand:
1. my new apt does not have a dishwasher
2. i like to over-hydrate
3. three different meds for three different things.
4. some things can only be wiped away by the touch of a hand

i've had better.

protecting the innocent

so tonight i went for a drink after yoga with a friend (paradox in action, baby). said friend's sibling who is our bartender says, "there is this guy at the bar, alone, who is so nice. he comes in all of the time... is in the same profession... come meet him."

we make sibling tell friend to come to us.

alone guy (who's not alone anymore) has his friend do a walk by.
(we could feel his check-out 8 bar stools away)
to check out our yogafied ugliness
(i am wearing spandex hot shorts and am 5lbs over the weight limit)
the stroller then tells the bar guy not to make the venture.
(did i mention that i am working my stellar afro tonight)

so we make the effort on the way out the door.
turns out she knows the same profession bar guy.
turns out she heard him telling the story of his divorce and vasectomy via speaker phone at her office about 3 years ago unbeknownst to him.
turns out i don't even have a witty quip for this entire experience.

carry that weight

last night i fully realized that things that come in pint size quantities do not constitute single servings.

not ice cream
not peanuts
not vodka

wish i could have figured it out in a different way, but then it probably wouldn't carry the same weight.

hellodrama

plan 9 from outer space was fabulous.
i love sci-fi.
i love moon pies.
i love stove top pop corn.

faith is making a comeback.

the jeopardy of contentment

i have been obsessed with cragslist since i found both my new apartment and myself on it. i mean, i sit here for hours reading want ads, furniture sales, and missed connections, absolutely content to read about what nashville wants to buy, sell, and be.

i'm thinking of writing a book about it... maybe picking 23 random ads and then turning them into vignettes- along the vein of paris je t'aime (my new favorite movie).

yeah- i can add that to my list of things to do that includes
find a job
fix my car
find some furniture
re-hab my new apartment
pack to move
sell some cds
get a life